Science reveals the surprising age gap that leads to the longest-lasting relationships

If you’ve ever wondered whether age really is just a number when it comes to love, science has a few eyebrow-raising answers. Grab your partner (provided they’re not currently busy with a crossword puzzle or TikTok dance), because it turns out that the age gap in your relationship might say more about your chances of lasting together than you think.

What Do the Numbers Say About the Perfect Age Gap?

Last December, a team of researchers published a sweeping study on age differences in couples—yes, with clipboards at the ready and data from over 35,000 pairs across 29 countries. Their quest? To crack the mysterious code of the perfect age difference between partners. Was it two years? Five years? The answer, as with most of life’s big questions, depends on more than just a quick calculation.

The researchers were quick to point out that their study included couples of all ages, so their conclusions covered the full spectrum—from bashful first dates to golden anniversaries. They found out that, surprisingly, preferences for age differences are anything but static. Preferences evolve, like questionable fashion choices or our taste in music. As life’s years add up, people generally become more interested in younger partners, especially at the start of a new relationship.

The Gender Factor: Who Prefers What, and When?

The study also revealed that one size—or rather, one age gap—rarely fits all. The findings actually shifted depending on gender. For instance, men at 25 years old are generally okay with (or perhaps secretly dream of) a relationship with someone either three years younger or three years older. But as men get older, their gaze tends to shift toward even younger partners. In the words of the researchers: “the age of a man’s partner reduces by one year every five years.” In other words, the older a man gets, the younger his ideal partner tends to be.

And what about women? Buckle up—the old stereotype of women seeking an older man seems to be taking a backseat. The study noted that women now increasingly gravitate towards partners of the same age, with the age gap shrinking in their minds. The tendency to look for older men? Not really the rule anymore. Instead, women now prefer a partner whose birth year matches theirs a bit more closely.

Does the Age Difference Actually Affect Relationship Longevity?

Feeling confident about your unique love story? Well, here’s something for relationship optimists and pessimists alike: another study, this one featured in the Journal of Population Economics in November 2022, dug into whether age differences sway the odds of a lasting union.

• Couples with an age difference of three years or less are statistically most stable and likely to go the distance.
• For relationships with age gaps beyond six years, the risks of stormy weather increase: these couples seem less resilient when facing challenges compared to pairs of similar ages, who may find it easier to give each other support.
• Interestingly, the same study spotted higher overall satisfaction when the man is older in the relationship, rather than the woman (sorry to those who thought Mrs. Robinson was blazing an easy path).

This echoes the earlier findings that some combinations seem to tip the balance toward lasting love—so long as that balance isn’t, well, too unbalanced in age.

The Takeaway: Is There a Magic Formula?

If you’re hoping for an easy equation to solve the puzzle of eternal love (something like “love = 2.7 years age difference + breakfast in bed”), science remains more nuanced. What’s clear is:

• Age gap preferences change over time, reflecting people’s evolving priorities and desires as they move through life.
• Men’s preferences tend to shift toward younger partners as they age, while women increasingly seek partners of a similar age.
• Couples with a narrow age gap—especially three years or less—tend to have relationships that last longer and provide greater support during tough times.

So, while there’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to matters of the heart, paying attention to age gaps might just help you beat the statistical odds. And if you’re currently scanning dating profiles and doing age math—don’t panic. Maybe focus on shared values, a sense of humor, or even the willingness to split dessert. Science, after all, only sets the stage—your love story is yours to write.